SHE

she deactivated her acc..i dun think she know that the link i posted actually for her..huhu i dun think she notice the post is for her.plus,i didnt type any words that is directly to her..wierdos sentences,i didnt do that.if she know..why she deactivated her acc...?? i didnt say nothing to her..did nothing..emm,last morning,we chat as usual..and nothing goes wrong until i posted the links last night..and i said nothing wierd to her..aiyoo..if i did sumthing wrong,if i ever do sumthing dats makes u feel uncomfortble..im really sorry..
i never intend to..im sorry3.....=( reactivate please...?
ohh i wish its not 'cause of me,but sumthing else..

anger,hatred,and evil

i dont know why..since oct09 i didnt talk to him..ive tried to be nice to him.but its pointless.i dun wanna fights anymore..i dun wanna quarrels again.enough..i dun wanna make her upset..last year 'cause of me he ran home..even its not my fault but im the one who felt very guilty.i cant stand a chance when i see her face so worried of him..so i put away my anger and apologize to him.yet its never end.we were like oil and water..she used to compared me and him..i dun mind at all if u cares more about him..i dun mind if u proud of him so much.but please when it comes to differences..it makes me sick..n today i felt ughhh..rebel,anger,hatred but i try to control these feeling..yeah its my fault..do u know why i rather spent my time with my frens than at home? do u know why i never be at home during weekend?do u know why i barely eat at home??its all 'cause of him..everytime,evryday it always about him..i dun mind if you care more about him..I DUN MIND AT ALL!! but please dont ever compare me with him!!im sick to hear that..!! i tried to be nice..ive tried respect him..but he show no grattitude..waste of time! what hav i done?i dun ask for  money from u..i get my pocket money on my own..whats more..??its my fault thats right..but its just one thing..when u said i lied n said i did the thing that ive never done..its really hurt..!!i thought im strong enough..but i cant bear to hear that..ohh god..i wish i can shout out and told evrything of what i feel r8 now so they will understand..its pain inside..even worse when i keep it inside..so,i just keep silence n hear all of ur mumbles..cause i dun wanna be.."anak derhaka"  ughh,thought its better if it is wound outside than inside..this pain cant be expressed by words..Ya Allah if there's no sin on suicide..coould be long time ago i ended up this life myself...i keep this body alive cause of u..fear of u..hemm,feels like my head is gonna blow..  i wish im in pdg llg r8 now so i can shout loudly..arrrggghhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! theres no one will ignore...also i wish ill vanish form this world where there will nobody know my presence ever..i wish if time could be turn back..i wish i never born to this world..haha..stupid..?yeeahh..stupid..yeahh it sound like a loser,i know..but no one will understand what i feel.im not strong..but,ill never lose to this feeling..i wont let myself down cause of this matter.


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formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Eri9391

1st time ditelorkan

smlm last day ak kije kt yunnan..da xbpe lame da nk msuk sem baru.xsmpy 2mggu da nk start.lau ikut'an aty rse mls sgt33 nk blik kampus..mcm2 cobaan duk kt kampus.sbbnyer lau kte duk tempat org..kte kne besekn diri dgn budaya org len..jgn culture shock..of cos lh slame ak duk kt kampus ad mse ak jd org len,bkn andre,bkn ahmad fakhri..tp appa..;p.ad sesetgh org krg sng lau kte wat budaya kte sdri..tringat pepatah,msuk kandang kambing mngembekk,msuk kndang kerbau menguak..tula pendek cternyer..ad btulnyer lps sume yg ak rse sdri mse 1st sem.Alhamdulillah stakat ni xpena ad org xpuas aty ngn ak..nk kte friendly ngn sume org tu xla sgt kott..tp ak xkn cri mslh ngn org len.plus sume geng kat kampus stakat ni sume okay..lau ad mslh ap2 xdela smpy nk gaduh,b'tumbuk..bkn zmn skola mngah ni.kirenyer settle care elok.da mature kn..ak pn bkn jenis ske cri mslh slagi org tu xcri psal ngn ak...blik cter yunnan..ntah ap sbb kne telor 4 das smlm..haha..ni 1st time ak kena,sblum ni mne pena ak wat kt org len..membazir ar telor baling camtu..xsyg ke..?hahaha..emm,myb ni  ari last ak kije kot..abg najib pn maen skali..adoyaii..abes busuk bau telor..blik kije p 7E beli brg jap..awek counter tu tgk smcm je kat ak..pas2 sengih2 sambil tutup hdung.."hepy BESDAY" tibe2 je die ckp cmtu..hemm,xheran ar cner die tau..bau mmg xyh ckp..sebatu sape2 pn da tau bau telor..tp still,org kate rse krg enak..tu nla yg ak rse... p tgk kat cermin..WARGGHHH!!! kulit telor kat pipi aku! gyahhh~!! pasni ak da xsggah 7E cni..erm,mak ak mt ak brenti,suh konsentret stdy plak.mggu lps da demam sbb kije sgt..hari2 kije..bkn sbb letey pn,sbb ak tido xikut mase.cek2 drh rendah.."bia sehat2 gop sket ble nk g mla ekg..dop la mok rse bimbang..ni siang mlm kije ap nk jd..?"..haha..yela3..da brenti..arini start tido awal..2.30 pg awal la tu..;p

ap..?

blik kije kul 12...smpy umah kul130,mak n abh xtido g..lupe dye pesan ak beli gula ondway home..aiyoo~ssh nyer nk cri gula skng ni.esok ar gula ad g op..? horrlaaa..hehe..snyum nganjin jew mak ak pdhal smlm ak da ckp bnde same..huhu..erm,.so cam bese ar,ad mood ak on9.muvie horror ak download smlm dh ciap tp version thai pnyer.alahai potong stim betoll..last2 ak dlete bodo jer muvie tu..benci ak cter thai cam bangang..xphm ak even ad subst.xlyn ah,xsyok..download yg brunyer..tgk3 xciap lg..tggal stgh jam lg..hhooo~on9 fb nk men bola website tu nga upgrade,xley bkk,huhu..bkk ym..ahh bosan ar chat,mls gler...off blik.bkk onemanga bce manga lg besh..da lame xbkk hehehe da byk cter da update..sambil tu chat kat fb..tgk2 jam da nk dekat kul4..YA ALLAh! terkejut gler ak..ak rse cam ad bnde lintas sbelah kiri ak..ak xtau ap..dhla lam gelap suram2 je..yg pasang lampu lua umah..ak bkk lampu ruang tamu tgk ap bnde,byg ke ap..ohh ceh byg kipas siling upenyer yg tgh gerak..ak sambung chat balik..tapi bru ak terigt..dr td ak off suis kipas..mne ad ak on..sbb ak nk smoking..mmg bese ak xpena bkk pn tiap2 mlm..ugghhhh tibe2 mari seram!ak bkk sume lampu.tgk kipas tgh gerak lg,tp suis OFF..takut jgk tp wat bodo je la..lam aty rse cam nk msuk blik cepat2..sbb lampu sume da bkk dr dapur smpy ruang tamu..tkut plak nk g tutup sume blik..esok mmg abah ak mrh asal xtutup smlm..da xlame nk subuh..tggu je la..amek headfon dgr lagu,wat cm xde ap2..mse ak nga taep ni pn rse cm ad bnde duk kat blakang ak..heerrr...ak da rse mse kat kampus sblum ni..sme jer..tp ni xtakot sgt sbb kat umah..lau kte tunjuk yg kte takut lg la bnde ni suke..then wat bodo je la..


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ohhh ak lupe

Cner ak ley lupe cter sal muet ek..hahahaha..emm overall muet nk kate senang xlah sng,sbb result xsemstinyer baik lau kte rse bley wat ngn bek pn..tp ak rse enjoy ar cket dr yg lepas pnyer..byk gak yg bole ak sembang..point ak nyer xla berat ak nk elaborate..tp yg nk djdkn cte..mcm2 kes jd kat ak ari muet ni..10mei...dala jauh pusat muet,gler..awal kul530 pg ak da bgun siap nk pg..yela,da lam 30mnt gk bru smpy,mne tau lau jd ap2 tgh jln ad gk g mse ak wat ap2..standby je la..smpy je depan gate kol amru,"wey blik speaking ktner??"huhuhu...da tnyer pak guard sngyer die jwb,"xtau la sye awang ehhh~"bengong k ap...?tenkiu amru for ur help..haha.em..tgah jln nk p blik speaking,ak jmpe cikgu pompuan sorang...mak aihh..rse cm knal jer..tp ak da lupe nama..cikgu skola ak dlu laa!!argghhh...ak wat2 cool.."awk test muet eh?" haa,ye saye.."awk p blik seminar..blik menggu k" ohh..time kacih..senyum kucing..hahaha..die da xigt ak upenyer..nseb baikk..ahhh bkn die pena ajr ak pn,huhu mls gk sbnrnyer nk sembang cter skola lame..msuk je blik tu,meoooww??asal ak sorang je laki...???????sume pompuan...arghh,,peduli,lagi ak suke..hahahahahaaa..(ceh,sbnrnyer cuak xde geng nk sembang) lam 10mnit sume skali candidate ad lam 16 org..3laki yg lain sume pompuan..yg 2org tu..pak cik dr mne ntah...ak nk tegur muke cam singe..hohoho..xpela..rela ak sembang ngn pmpuan...cool bebeh..;p then examiner bg2 grup ak dpt grup no3,ak sorang jer laki..2org bdk UDM sorg lg pre-law UITM kedah..tua 1taun,kire senior ak la..fuuyyoo..cun gler..lawa mmg lawa,urmm..lam ramai pmpuan yg pkai tudung,ak rse die yg pling lawa myb..tanpa mekap.ak duk sbela die,yes!peluang jelas di depan mata..!ats meja ad slip muet..name.OOooo..Wan Nurdiyana duk kat seberang takir..ak xtau nk ckp ap..ye r,time ak nk cr point nk sembang, die paling kt member sbela ajk sembang..aduss..so,ap bole wat..duk diam je la..huhu..lastly die yg tnyer ak duk mner..bla,bla, enjoy gk sembang ngn bdk ni...dr zmn tadika smpy msuk u bkk cter..jenis open minded..tp bts tu ad..respect ahh..ni kali ke4 die amek muet..terkejut gk ak sbb tyme speaking die ok jer...byk kali ak bantai die,tp rlekk jer bls blik..ciss..xpe ar,bg je la die mng..da abes muet..ak jln ngn die kuar 2org,yg 2org lg ntah p mane.ehh33!ak lupe henset ak xamek lg kt blik..alahaiii~p pusing blik,aloorr..msti die da blah..eh  ad lagi..Awk xblik lg ke?nek kete k org anta? "xlah,dihantar n akn dambil" ceh lawak gler..haha~ak bru perasan..dr keluar blik test td..ak still jln ngn die 2org..sembang lg..smpy xsedar..moto ak parking kat blakang..."awk blik boyfren dtg amek eh?" hahaha..org single cner bley bf dtg amek..emm,kakak dtg amek..tp lmbt lg rsenyer..jln jem.."so sy teman awk eah ..?(senyum kucing,dlm haty gurau je) die senyum blik..eemm sy xmkn lg dr pg td..teman sy mkn kat depan ni bole? waaaa...pucuk dicita ulam mendatg..kuakuakua,,"eh sye lupe moto ad kt blakng sy p amek dlu ea.." oohh ok sy tggu kt dpn ni je la eaa"..smpy depn pgr ak hntr die then p msuk blik amek moto..gler..tp ble smpy jer,tgk die nga tggu kt bus stop..ak nyorok cket n brenti..nape?urmm..hesitate nk teman k x..ye la..nek moto bese jer,lau nek motobike ke kete ke rse bgge gk nk p dpn die..hmmm..last2..ad kete estima smpy..Oww...kakak die da dtg...nmpk die toleh2 blakng cm tgh cri org..cri sape ntah...haha..ak da pkai sweater, helmet cner nk cam..ending,die pn blik...ak pn chow ar..odw blik,tibe2 ak terigt sumthing..aiyyoo~!!!no telefon lupe nk mtk..hhhhhuuuhuhuu~ hemm..kalau ak dpt msti bley jd awek ak..hahahaha..ceh kuat perasan ak upenyer..biala....mls nk pk lame2..da xpenting, perkara da lepas xley rewind blik an..tp cner pn rse nyesal tu still ad isk,isk..:p aaaaa..xpe2,bunge bkn sekuntum.lgpn ak xrse penting sgt nk ad soulmate;D im not going well wit partner.

Im healed!!

3hari cam beruang hibernate lam bilik..

on9 3minit blablabla bce komen off..

2mlm thn sakit gler babi...sakit perut..ya Allah...mcm ad bnde duk men3 trik usus perut ak..

4jenis ubt ak telan sume xjadi ap..

nk smoking mmg xde slera..da 2hari xsmoking..mkn pn skali sari..

sakit kpale bley thn tp xtruk mne..

skrg da rse ok ckit...

n ak da sembuh..88 per cent may be..

urat tgkuk ak skit lagi..

ohh da lupe ak nk update blog nie...haha..

out

heyy yaaa..!

reactivated,but still, ive nothing to type..urmm..hello?haha..later lol..no such mood.plus i need to slowly fix my grammar 1st.ive noticed theres lot of grammar error from my previous blog..learn from mistake k..not perfect of coz..nothing perfect