Fear

Hye bloggie,thought I wont see you anymore for this month.As usual I came to put unnecessary memory here.But first,theres a thing I wanna share with ya. I got a lot of activity this mid sem break.Im becoming the guy I used to be.I mean EXTREME,haha. Some say this is stupid activity. I wont say they are wrong. Everyone got their own opinion though. We are different. What we do, what we live for are different. So needless to say, what we do that define us. Last week I went fishing squid and pari at Pulau Kapas. I admit it, it was totally fun. I enjoyed. We planned to go to Pulau Redang next time. This 30th we planned to cycle to Betong. 60 KM from Kuala Terengganu,haha. I dont know what these guys are thinking but I do feel its challenging, aggressive.haih.This morning Im going to Kuantan. This July 30th, a day before Ramadhan there will be Family Gathering in Tambun. Rumors says it take place at Lost World of Tambun. Sounds like nothing, family gathering. No it isnt. It is the gathering of a heads of Asia. Ehm, I need to confess. I broke my own promise. I get myself involve again. But  theres a reason, now I see the important part and I realize something that I barely know before. Why I joined this gang. I get it now. I see the real surface of this clan. Its not as worse as what I think. So I decided to stay. Last night we gathered, we had everyone of the member's preposition. Buka Buku. I gave my own preposition. They seems fathom what I felt, what I had gone through. 432 of Manir, this is the first time I met this guy. If I wasnt mistaken, hes the sub-head of DR and he explained everything to me, and I feel..its the best and the most rational explanation Ive ever heard which I can accept his portion. His words, remind me the person of who I was before I am now. Exactly I am too ego, i just dont realize..no I actually I blinded myself ,refused to accept others view.There will be tough time in Kuantan. Some shit we have to settle with D7. I dont know why, it scare the shit out of me. My feet shaking..hahaha.. Maybe it was too long I keep invisible from them. I forgot how to conquer my goddamn fear. Nevermind, it will return soon or later.,,uhh hope so. Ohh I almost forgot the first part. Alini came to Terengganu yesterday. Since a long time her number didnt appear on my mobile screen. She is having her holiday with her classmates here. She asked me to show her interesting places in this pathetic state. Goddammit I was just woke up. Awwhh,he looks prettier from the last time I met her. Cute. At the beginning I felt so awkward, I acted cool and outstanding somehow. Still look fancy and charming with her tudung bawal. I like that. These days girls rather choose to wear selendang or uhh kinda shawl they call. It is beautiful but for me girls look even more beau..ummhh..how should I put "AYU" ? Nampak manis and sopan :) haha. Simple,modest but attractive ! Ohh no,no,no..its difference now. Indeed she is pretty but it doesnt mean theres still feelings towards her. I think the same goes with her too. Friend feels more comfort. I dont mean to her alone. I thought of every girls Ive met the same way. Ive learn and fathom what is mean by relationship and I realize I am not ready for it, or maybe I dont deserve that kinda relationship. This break, when I hang out with my buddies it show me that what Im looking for isnt what Im searching for. I just bored. I need entertainment. So I started 'fishing', something that I wasnt supposed to do. Im searching for something as a medium to fill my empty can, yet didnt realize it. It happened between me and White Lotus. I vowed to never did the same. Thats why I stop chasing the killer type girl. I misstep by luring myself into her infact I dont have such serious feelings for her. I cant stand for that guilt for the second time. Plus I got my punishment from The Rose. I am happy to see Alini again. Its been 2 and half year. I drove her and her friends to Cristal Mosque, Museum, Batu Burok and she didnt know my driving license is still with letter "L" bahaha. She will return home this Friday. I got a work to do so I cant be her tour guider until then. I wish I could actually.. Hoho. Thats all. I dont wanna keep these in mind. It just messes up my head for another important stuff tomorrow. chow bloggie ! ;D