I'm A Rebel

Heyho bloggie. This entry is supposed to be posted 2weeks ago but im not in the mood to express what I feel cause Im too miserable and angry. I wont let mself be in that mode, I do wanna express those goddamn feelings but I dont want to. I wanna be in calm mode. Oh before I proceed further, I just add or in other words I would like to say I casted some kinda device on you, this feedjit so Ill be able to check who did pay you visit instead of me. Well, yerknow Im a secure type of person. This is who I am, my weakness lies here. If it says that anon from Kuala Terengganu that would be indeed myself or either Shadaa. Hye Shadaa, youve just visit Bloggie yesterday. But 5hours ago I just notice an anon from Kota Bharu Perak? Ipoh? I dont know if bloggie have visitor from Perak. Who are you eh? Oh well, I dont really mind actually. But the question lingers on my head is how the hell you found this site huh? Perhaps not someone I knew, uhh well guess Ill just forget it. Plus Im tired off changing the url. Ehm, so continue to the title "Im a Rebel" its about my connection with the so-called-proud & pride crowd, it just terminated. I wont have any kinda relation with them. Officially I quit to be one of their rodeo clown. For the first time ever since I joined this crowd, I voiced out my word and fought. I dont wanna explain further about this. Briefly I make 2 options, whether to stay and being in non-stop sakit hati & tak puas hati with everyone in this crowd or I just desist and get my ass out from the club, forever. You see bloggie, theres no use to have slow talk with these kinda people. They wont listen. This is the best for me and everyone. Exactly theres only two person I feel like uh..emh how Im gonna precisely literate this eh.. umh in bahasa Terengganu we say "LUGA" with these two. Both were too high esteem and ego. Alter ego. Nothing about their ideological thinking is wrong. They refuses to receive other person's view. Look what happen to the Teraju crowd nowdays, its crumbling. Semua berpecah-belah. Masing-masing memendam rasa tapi kawan punya pasal xpe rela pendam. But Im not that type of person who will just wait and watch. I wanna move forward. If I cant make it become reality, I mean everyone back to where it was like 3years ago, then I will scram and make a new path. This what Im doing right now. But it doesnt mean were enemies, NO. Theres still some of them Ive being in contact as friend. Ive made my choice, I wont go back. Ive said what I wanna say. Umh..till  meet again, chow.

Endeavor

I can endure all type of feeling's pains. Upset and being disappointed, I can turn it on to courage. Hate and resent I can make it vanish with time. Sad and dissonant, I just ignore those. But there's only one thing I barely can handle. Angry and Mad. Yer know bloggie, its hard for me to reach my boiling point. For certain times, I able to encounter anger but of course not everyday. Jiwa aku jenis yg memberontak. When I reach my boiling pint my mind can easily loose control. Yesteryear, I had this feeling. Brief result, I punched my bestfriend's face and his nose got bleed so bad. We never be friend ever since, neither as enemy. Its not my fault actually, but it did makes me feel bad. This is the goddamn bad part of mine. Evil. So for all the next days I search myself for a solution. I must encounter manger. How to encounter mad? I failed to find the answer. I read an Hadith, if i wasnt mistaken, the hadith sounds like this "we put off fire with water so we put off anger with wudhu". Its true. But what if the anger comes out at which at the occasion theres no place for wudhu? I failed to find how to put it off in that situation. However Ive found one only way to encounter. I run myself for a better place & try to put myself at calm. It works. Avoid counter. Ill just get even mad if I do. Because Ive vowed for the rest of my life, I wont raise my hand on friend or my beloved person no more. family etc. I am bad in anger mode. My temperature is barely reach it boiling point. But once it reach it, its no good for others or even for myself. Thats the only option I could take if I serve in that condition, run away. Just run.