Last Moment

  Last night was the most meaningful moment for me. Once i said i hate this place environment, but it just not puked out from my bottom in-self. Merc and me rent a car, Perodua Kancil only about RM30 for 12hours. It was Merc actually who rent it,and it was not earlier planned. It was 10pm. What linger on our mind, take a last journey driving around Kuantan. go to the place that we have never been such as behind UiTM Padang Lalang where there are many dogs,hahaha.. There are nothing to be afraid of, we are driving no more walking and be chase away by dogs. It was fun, enjoyable and I wont forget this moment. It was just me and Merc and we got bored with only two person in a car, so we call everyone who is free. As usual, Merc will call the girls first. Nusrat, Nadya and  Umie Idayu. They wanna join. Actually Im not really comfortable with them as i rarely speak with Nadya. Umie Idayu? I have never speak with her. Nusrat is okay as she is flexible and lots of thing we can talk about. However it was different. It was nice to hang up with them. It was enjoyable moment as they all three are superb beautiful..er really?hahaha.. At 11.45 we drove them to Padang Lalang and leave them at the campus. Then we continued driving to ECM. We picked Amer, Pika, Dina, Badot and Baby there. Again we went to Teluk Cempedak. Dina did not wanna follow us as she was not feeling well. It was a great moment spent with them. We played a game, he/she will be asked by he/she. We twist the pen and the first person chosen will be asked by the second person. Hoo i will miss them damn much. I tried to butter up my self don't worry. well be met again someday. If we was destined to meet again we will see each other again if not just accept for what has been destined for us.

Hollow

    24,25 and the last paper will be on 27, Monday. Thinking of home, i really want to go home quickly. If i could, after the test i wanna leave the campus. Sick of the environment, the people.. No, sick of myself actually. I couldn't be myself. I don't know what i fear of. It's hard to explain. Being kind to all people is not easy, poker face even inside i don't like them. After this foundation Im going to change my number again and leave all the memories here behind. For me, theres nothing meaningful here to be remembered. Suck and always sickening this mental to be appa,yie or whatever they call me. Global issue was not easy but i didn't have problem to answer it. What i have read were casted on the paper. Lucky for me. But today the economic paper was quite tough and mentally challenged me. Part A, the objective questions there were only six questions confidently answered. Half of them were doubted answered and the rest, as usual "im riding a shotgun man!" BANG,BANG! Part B the first question was not a problem even at the beginning i had such kinda memory distortion of how to answer them. But in the Part C, it really made me down. Blank, full of question marks linger on my mind. I never picked up on that topics. Even worse all the topics that i expected, nothing I commonly answered before was not there. Quite lucky on the way to IKIP i've read some about functions of money and Bank Negara. Better less then nothing. Each question asked 4 functions and i only managed to get 2 correct answer each. The 2 left, goreng as logically thinking. Okay, stop right here. Stand down for law then continue for the next last minute revisions. Shuhhh..shuhhh economy!

Bang-Up

 My hardisk and ram completely fried, i think its not wrong to take five. Better less than nothing. Listening to Kissing by Miranda Groove haha, against my music's nature but its kinda relieve this feeling though. Since this final exam is everything for me. Facebook, Formspring, Twitter all those kind of shit i have deactivated so i can focus on the exam. I need to achieve bang-up GPA otherwise i couldn't manage to grasp what i demand for my future. Going and coming, all the subjects are the only trumps card left. Sometimes i wonder about her too. After this foundation it possibly hard for me to see her again. Plus I never believe in long distance relationship. I really don't wanna hurt her. But what im really wanna say, I'm not a man that need somebody to walk along with me, beside me. My ultimate opportunity are my family and my friends. I think the same goes to her. But, that thing keeps doubting me. I hope she never care about me for being idle and silent. Maybe she's right , i like the chase but i never intend to catch. Nothing left to say, Im a lone wolf. Doesn't lead and be leaded.

Cow tu Lembu

Aku bengang sebab kau bangang.

Kan best kalau aku tak ada hati perut,

Kan best kalau kau bukan kawan aku,

Kan best kalau aku bukan aku,

Nak jer aku tumbuk muka kau,

Nak jer aku terajang kau,

Nak jer aku sepak kau,

Hipokritnya aku dapat kawan macam kau.

Lone Wolf

Guardian, warrior in the darkness.

Alone, shadows only embrace.

Night, hidden in the moonlight.

Warrior, so long forgotten sentinel.

Moon, God and Goddess mine.

Solitary, hidden within view.

Lost, humanity's transformation.

Darkness, neither good nor evil.

Traveler of night and shadows.

Spirit, hunting moonless skies.

Neither protector nor destroyer.

Rumah kata pergi, kubur kata mari

Cinta kepada bunga, bunga akan layu.

 Cinta kepada makhluk, makhluk akan mati.

 Cinta kepada Dia akan kekal selamanya. 

Tak salah bercinta sesama makhluk.

Tetapi perlu ada batas batas yang termaktub.

 Ghairah mengejar cinta, kelak diri sendiri akan binasa.  

Bukan penyakit yang datang mencari kita. 

Tetapi kita yang mencari penyakit. 

Diibaratkan seperti menempah maut, membujur lalu. 

Vital

  Do you believe of natural elements that exists inside each of ourself? I really don't know whether i should believe it or not since all of the elements I've read yesterday are related and suits well certain person I deeply know. There are metal, wood, water, wind, earth, and fire. There are many more elements available but so far only six elements I could fathom.  A person with metal element personally has tough principle, never easily give up, hard headed, and usually acts only based on his own philosophy. The perfect match for metal is fire which the heat of fire can bends the metal's shape and melts metal to be softer. But metal is weak towards water as it will sink in water and some metals will be perished, rust and oxidized due to water. The person with kind of this element I can say it is Abg Najib. Unfortunately unmatched with her wife which I thought as the water element,HAHA. Always being queen controlled by Kak Ja,bhahahahaa. He sunk in her element, like Malay said, bagai lembu dicucuk hidung. Ohh..sleepy already, wasting time on blogging meantime my assignment is yet not finished. To be continued some time.

Howl

     Lone Lone and alone. As a lone wolf it never fathom the meaning of alone as well as it is the lone wolf's nature. But when a lone wolf howls, it show that it is suffering of loosing or separated from the clan. Ancient Egyptians believe wolves are the symbolic of friends, partners or members. How far i went i could never be as the real lone wolf, im just a human afterall. Theres no way i could be as cold-hearted as i wish, a lone wolf. A lone wolf just move before of itself. It fights, it live for what he believe. A lone wolf doesn't lead nor be leaded. It don't fights for other's belief. it has its own belief. He against whom intersecting with his path of line,its belief. Lately, there was so many things happened. Some were good and some otherwise. Mostly drive to the emptiness. I don't know but this such unpleasant feeling sometimes makes me upset. The person i care, trust, believe, and love for.. all gone, one by one. The first person who i love and care so much will not be at home during this Eid. It is very upsetting me, since the last day i went home during mid-term holiday. After the break until today i didn't see him. Little aggrieved, because it will be two months more to see him again. No chance of having breakfasting together, the worst. Then the person the most i believe in this playground left for something, i don't think i will type it here. But i remember what you have told me before about your nightmare. In that dream you was back stabbed by someone you closely know. Today i can see your words was casting on yourself now. This is a very serious problem for me as both are my friends . I cant stand a word when i listened to what he told us last night. He who said you was the back stabber friend back then is actually who are the real bad ass!! As always, selfish.. he just think of himself and only want to save himself. When i heard to what he said last night, i felt amused, annoyed, he made me sick. You are the real actor here,Coward..!! Yeah, its true you have done nothing wrong regarding the case. But, because of the statement you gave to the cop, you just making the the risk dragging as together into the case even more serious and higher. You are fucking coward person. You dare to tell the cops the truth just because you just want to save yourself by telling from A to Z about him to the cop? Have you lost your mind? I don't mind  if i will be dragged in too, i've done it. I cant let him bear the wrongful that we planned together alone. Everyone was worried that you will pick our name. But i know who you are, you will never do something like that. Now, it was proven that my trust on you was not wasted. By the time im typing this entry i was fall asleep. So relieved when i woke up i see miscalls from you. After i called back you was released now. Hoo..what a relieved friend. Alhamdulillah.

ComradeHood

           Final examination is around of the corner,yet there are lot more of topics that i need to cope. Class gathering today was not so fun but i'll make the memory permanent on my mind as this is the last semester, the last month as a pre-law student. Together we were breaking fast at Padang MPK opposite the state mosque. Maybe this will be the last moment we had our time as classmates together. The girls brought some fireworks, even i didn't join them but just by looking at their happy face, it made me smile. I won't forget each of them. For a while they remind me of my best girlfriends. Hawa, Dayah, Khalilah and Pika. During the last day of ramdhan, after SPM we had the same moment as i had here today. The difference, it was even more fun. There are 3 girls i never bored of teasing them. Niza, Madi and Dayah, haha. Once, i thought when we love others we will become weaker. But, now i fathom whats the meaning of love others. We may become weaker, but that weakness will courage us to be truly stronger. ^_^

Granted

Today unethically, i against my nature. I slept from 5pm until 7.30, I missed breakfasting time and i missed evening prayer. Dizzy and headache took over my head. Slowly i woke up and took my mobile. Whoah! What have i done, hibernating or what huh? Clumsy as always, i prepared nothing for BEL342 final test. Half and hour from now. Erkk cool sudah. I didn't feel starving or hungry, but my stomach orchestrating inside. From the bottom it performed variety kind of instruments. I just got no appetite and meantime arked probably out of dishes so i just went downstairs and bought canned drinks, soybean and cincau. The guards looked at me with thousand of question, tch~ "ingat aku tak puasa ke apa?" When i arrived back Ohh..there was five miscalls from dad. I got no credits. But for someone very important, SOS is an option to call back. A good news from him. His job application was granted by Franks. Next week he will be in Iraq or Iran. No Eid for him means my Eid this year will be meaningless. I don't know whether i accepts this news as a good one or otherwise. Maybe the good news would be no more suffering for my family. Our new home will be completely finish in no time soon. No more rents to be paid. I will get back my bike. No more "tumpang orang" or borow my bro's bike. Because dad's basic payment is 3times higher than the time he worked with Weatherford. Bullshit company i call them for resigned my father without irrational reason, after seven years my dad contributed his whole energy on that company.  My little sister and bro will get their new school bag, and new pencil box. The bad news, my father will not be with us this Eid. Its already 3years Eid without him at home. Thank You Allah fro granted my prayer. I'm glad to heard happy voice of mom and dad.. Now it's my turn to payback.