How Im gonna put a start for this entry? Uhm, On the first day of my registration in UiTM Kuantan I saw a girl wore red shawl with red baju kurung. I couldn't fathom myself, she has something emm how should I put this? Aura? That day, I had crush on her even I just looked at her from the back. I didn't even clearly see her face. Starting from that day, I searched for this girl whenever I went to class. Fortunately I found her during our combined class. That's mean I have the chance to know her better. So one day I asked one of my classmate to help me give something to her as I knew she was her housemate. I gave her a small pieces of cadbury, that was my first step to know her. It went smoothly and a day later I asked her to have lunch with me and she agreed. I was so happy and also I managed to get her phone number. We know each other for 2months and it was not really warm relationship we had. She said she couldn't forget her ex-boyfriend. I am not sorry for myself to say... " Yes, I failed". But I never gave up on her. From the first day I started to know her until today, I never gave up. Maybe more than 5th times I proposed her and times by times I failed for every trials. For that every failures my heart cracked, I don't yet remember how it is to feel broken now. Never question me why I'm so deep into her because I don't have a goddamn answer.
Lately I felt so depressed, I don't wanna make a try again. I need to give full concentration on my education,my future and this kinda stuff make me stray from my ultimate path. But, my heart force me to do so ''Never give up on her". It was painful and hurt. I wish I could pull my heart out and said "listen to me, listen to my command, I will not be controlled by you" haha, I just kidding. Actually I mean I wish I could persuade my heart to accept that "She's not yours, never be. She never gave hints to tell that she has the same feeling towards you, please accept that". I laid on my bed outside the balcony and looked at the sky. I felt so sad, not because of my failures to get her, but..urm I don't have an idea how did i got this. It just like someone whispered into me "be sincered in loving, then there would be no regret to deal losing". I just realize this is not true love. If I truly love her, I should be able to let her go. Love doesn't mean we give love to each other in reward, NO. I almost shed my tears as I forget Him, The Greatest Lover. I've done istikharah prayer for guidance. I gave all of what I have for 3 nights praying for His guide.
Today, I got the answer undoubtedly, it came in the form of dream, 3nights the same dream. I am sure now this is the answer. We're not mean to be together. I don't feel sad but how Im gonna say this..redha? Yup:'). Allah showed me the way, we're not created to be together and I decided to move on. She is not well right now but I pray she'll get better soon. The best thing I could have is pray for her happiness, safety and healthy. Uhm, I leave this memory to you bloggie. I don't need it anymore but please take a good care of this memory as it taught me priceless means:')
:)))
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