Head-On

Hye bloggie, I said I wanna share everything that I left unsaid for almost 1month a few days ago. I am quite busy,nahh..Not so busy I guess. It just that I was not in the condition to share story with. You are not even listening, you are just my puppet in the form of a life journal. A reflection of mine. So there's no need for me to tell you everything I had. Actually I am tired. Not physically, but mentally I am so tired. I fight my emotions, my doubtful thoughts, my feelings in order to create so-called-mood to finish all that assignments. I push and I force myself to be workaholic. You know, I am not that kind of a work hard person for assignments. However these assignments are not as same as during I was in the foundation. It can't be done in several days. Something that I had never done before. Plus it was group's assignments. Lately I am so lazy. I guess I put to much effort on those assignments, and I left my uncovered syllabus behind. I am not well prepared for the test last week and I got very bad result for math. Ads? 50-50. Account? like shit, I was over confidence and underestimated account test. Very bad result. Nothing that can be proud of. I consumed too much time on assignments and I revise nothing for other subject. Math and Account. For me these 2 is my killer subject as if I skip even one chapter either both, I'll get lost and won't understand the next topic. See, my english now is "tunggang-langgang". I am typing this meantime my mind is spinning, all fuzzy. I need a little time to be recovered. Mental and physical are two different matter. Mental fatigue need more time to heal than physical fatigue. No, a little peaceful moment and space is good enough for me to recover, but I couldn't find it here. I have to cover my subject. I am fool enough to answer any simple math question right now. It is suck okay. Em..just now I met her friend in Mara building during lunch time. Wani. I am quite suprised because I never thought she'll recognize me. I saw her first but I acted like I don't know who she is as i thought she know nothing about me. She greet me with smile an I did the same in return. We had a little chat. She look nice and warm. As what I've expected from her friends. They are nice and kind. ^_^ There's no need for me to worry about her. She know how to befriend with others, no matter boys or girls, I believe they are nice person. I pray her 20th birthday will be much meaningful and full of happiness. Haha, yup I am really a fool. I set my mind to move on but actually I couldn't and I afraid to wave goodbye. But this is only for temporary. I'll put an end soon. I will make the ending special as I vowed to myself, it will be the last time. I am not giving up but Im just out of hope. What the meaning of never give up if it is clearly stated I am hopeless.. This the not the second time,third nor the 5th time I tried. It was countless. I am goddamn fool if I still do not see her hint "NEVER".  Hmm, my condition prevent me to talk clearly with others. I'm on pressure. I don't wanna make bad impression. So, I become untalkative person a lot these days. I wanna a peace of mind.. I wanna counter-attack for the syllabus I lost this past few weeks Damn...my english really, really suck.