A friend of mine asked me "hey do you have a blog, do you blogging?" I said "yeah..once but I keep it's url only for certain person, and periodically changing as it's too personal but now I've made it deactivated" He asked me why and I said "it's my true color, my real form as human, who I am inside and I just revealing my weakness to others if I do make it public" For deactivated reason, I said "I made this blog to be my best listener, my requiem so I don't need to carry it along dealing my day, but now I don't think I need a listener anymore to be stronger". Friend said "if your reason is as what as you've said..to be stronger, then you are going nowhere". Friend refused to explain to me why, "have faith on yourself if you really are a type of seeker". Friend just made me even more confused, seeker?? Uhm..I guess I've the answer tonight, this blog is my benchmark. If I want to be stronger, I need to measure and evaluate how much strong I've become, either weaker or stronger. It does make sense actually, I can't tell what I am now. I couldn't see clearly as before. I mean I don't have the thrust to push me forward. For what reason I do fight full-heartedly. I couldn't remember. Easy to say..time make me loosing my objective for fighting, my real intention to fight. Damn, I don't have an idea to wordily clear this as what I am thinking. But I can tell using this way, I watch my pasts, my origin, who I am at the beginning and I could see the reflection of my future. It makes me aware which part I should make adjustment, enhancement. You complete me. I don't set this blog private as if something happened to me, died maybe. Someone can delivered my philosophy to my relative, my family. I am pursuing my future. I am not playing around like before. So my death would be meaningful for the person I care. Okay, thats bluffing. Bloggie, I got a lot of story to be shared with ya. But it will take a day for me to finished meantime I got a math test tomorrow. I need to revise. Later then, see ya.
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