Take a Dive

From the beginning, my heart keep saying "DON'T". I can tell she is a type of a men killer. I know I couldn't be compatible with this girl. She is naughty, and me? Sometimes I can be naughty when I want to be, but it's just for certain time when I get bored in order to release tension. The truth is, it is the biggest mistake I've ever done like during foundation. I vowed to never do it again. Rings a bell..what Ive done to White Lotus, until today I couldn't forgive myself for what I've done to her.. I played with her emotions and feelings without realizing the consequences. I like the chase but I never intend to catch. I smooth talked with her, and she said she forgive me. But the reality is, I just couldn't forgive myself. Thats the last time I had contact with her. I hate myself for that. That's why I blocked her from FB and Twitter. I couldn't face her like I used to be. Each time when I see her name, guilt wrapped over me. I vowed, it won't happen again. Enough. In the moment, this men-killer type of girl, I've decided, I'll listen to my intuition. "stay away from this girl, you are a step to be the same guy like before". Bloggie, you wanna know something, to get closer to this girl I am becoming the person that I am not used to be. Most likely to be like Amer and Azmi. They are type of social kinda person. I couldn't afford to be like them, NO. I just want to be myself, Ahmad Fakhri Fauzi. Whenever I try to get closer to this girl, like yesterday.. heart tells me "you are leading yourself astray from your path". Plus, I don't think I really need a companion right now. Lone-wolf walk alone, and I forgot something, the final is 4weeks left. What the hell I'm doing? What is my ultimate goal? Yep, thats all. Enough, enough and enough. Im leaving leave this mission. Something that is costly to obtain but provides a little benefits. I like this girl, but I don't have that so-called-feelings towards her. Since there's only one person I'm really have feeling..The Rose,hmm. It's unrequited,haih. Fortunately, yet I didn't do something reckless. I can still reverse. Possibly Amer and Azmi will get surprised if tell this to them. A speed of second I changed my mind. I don't know, it just my heart keeps telling the same word, "don't". Guess this time heart is telling me the right thing. Though it's reasonable and rationale to quit before I get deeper and unable to make an upper hand. I have no interest to play a game, the men-killer girl is not for me and I want to be myself.FULL STOP.