Serenade

Hye. I feel so comfort and calm. How Im gonna literate this eh..urm relieve? Sort of, yep. But truly I say, it feels so warm. Calm, peaceful. See bloggie, the last time I recited Koran is about uhh..maybe 5months ago. I dont know what urge me, my mind. Thanks to Abg Najib, he gave me this link. Online Koran website, www.quranexplorer.com beside recite it you can also listen to five different reciter. You can reimprove yer reciting. Nice website. I just finished Al-Baqarah verse. I dont know how to precisely verbalize this, how I feel. Its beyond warm and calm. Hmm. Oh, today UiTM KBM sent a message. The new apartment for the student is opened for occupancy. About RM160 per person, each month. WITHOUT UTILITY. Note that. I made some gross calculation. Economically, if I live solely base on PT, after deduction, I will only be able to stand for not more than 3months. Actually, I am able to reach even far, but it will mean suffer through whole the semester. I wouldnt be able to get a life as human and as a teenagers. I vowed to stand on my own this semester. I wanna avoid from living with Amer's gang, Arul's gang and Amru's gang. I can mix with them, but to live under one roof with them.. It will make me think thrice. I gotta uhh..some typical problem with these gang. Im a lonewolf. I work in pack but I walk alone. Yer dont understand, arent cha? Haih. Thats me problemo. I wanna say it here, but I cant. This is sooooo secret. About each of them. See, I befriend with everyone. Each gang, there will be one that like to share almost everything with me. I couldnt even believe myself. How Im gonna trust you? So I think its better to keep my mouth shut. Let only me and Him know. Hmm. Flipped a coin. It shows me head, head means the UiTM apartment. My head told the same. If I choose the apartment, most possibly there will not be much person I know that will be my housemate. Its better that way. Easier when got housemates that dont have close relation with. I dont feel bad to be a bad hearted guy. Like the last semester. Yer know, life is never fair. The strong lead upon. The weak go down. I dont want to be weak. In my book, strong means to be inhumane. 

Fifty Zero

Hye. Just returned from driving school. Exhausted and uhh..kinda sleepy but goddamn unable to sleep. Theres a bad news and a good news. The good news is I passed my KTI test. Fortunately my freaking relationship with my driving instructor become healthier than before. We got some scene when I talk about the government and whats my beliefs. Yeah we are on the same position..hahaha. I disagree with the government but I dont give support for the opposition. So we share the same idea. I passed with flying colors, Yeayy ;DD ! *serius happy buat2. The bad news is the booking for JPJ test is full and I must wait for the new list maybe after Eid. Yer know, I dont have that much time. I couldnt sleep early every night, but still I manage to wake up early every single morning just for what? waiting and waiting. I slept almost 3hours a day. Fucked up so bad. The result is? Ceh. Hmm I know its my bad but still..ughh dissatisfy grr. Err..dammit this entry's title fifty zero means somethin' but I forgot what..haha later lah. Sleepy Mimpy neh. Chow

Outcast

Yo bloggie, as short as possible. Yknow, I come to see ya for something but mean nothing. Urm.. cigarettes is officially declared as HARAM by JAKIM. From my view, Islamically yep I can tell that it is HARAM even before it was told by JAKIM. It just me..I couldnt get some sort oh uhh.. inspiration or somethin encouragin to skip I mean a really one. Ramadhan is coming and think I should use this opportunity to quit this really bad ass habit. I really mean it. These few days, I try to discipline myself to take not more than 5cigarretes a day as a beginning. Its tough yknow. For that I quit working with Abg Najib as its one reason why its so hard for me to kill this habit. Absolute reason since its more to lepaking than working when Im with him. Haih. Second thing is this blog reader increase to 2 person. She asked for my url to know hows my hearts look like. HAHA..I say what, this isnt my heart nor my feelings. It just my mind talking with his imaginary friend named Bloggie Googie. See I trust no one except myself. Ohh I dont mean it literally. In some perspective, thats what I mean. Avoid misunderstandin' by the way. Someday when I feel insecure I will change this blog's url again. Hey if you read this I hope you will understand, yep you. Just dont laugh. Actually I dislike when someone know much about myself. Its like showing yer ass to the world. This is how I create my strengths and could possibly be my ultimate weakness if someone know whats life Im in. How Im thinking. I like watching people. Yer know what I mean ok. Chow

kau tak rse ap yg ak rse. areh? khairul? kawan? kawan baik? jgn buat ak tergelak. pathetic. maybe kau kenal diorang lebih dari ak. tapi ad satu perkara yg kau tak tahu pasal diorang tp ak tahu. tu j nk ckp, k chow

A Lonely Loner

Yo bloggie. Ini bukan masalah mahupun complicaTED stuffs. Tension dr smlm xleh tdo, da bpe ribu muvee ak tgk mlm neh,olimpik beb. Tp xnk tutup jgk mata ak neh,haih. So elok la jgk kau dga ak bebel kat sini. Pagi smlm ak memaksa diri ak bgun pagi yg smmgnye bukan jenis org sprt ak utk bgun pagi. Pagi merupakan masa utk ak memulakan sesi tdo,haha. Sekolah memandu menjadi salah satu drpd tempat kgemaran ak utk melepak dan mengisi masa lapang..*serius tipu* So seperti biasa, abes test satu jam bersama cg memandu yg sgt ak kasihi dan sayangi *yg ni serius WTF* ak akn melepakkan diri ak kat kantin dimana ia berhadapan dgn litar untuk student lesen motosikal. Apa yg menariknya melepak disini ialah, ak berkesempatan menghilangkan tension ak dgn melihat keindahan makhluk Tuhan menunggang motosikal. Harusla makhluk yg plg byk menarik pandangan mata aku itu awek2 yg cun, xkira bertudung mahupun free hair. Selain drpd itu, ak tergelak sorg diri tatkala melihat gelagat makhluk lain yg tgh asyik di dalam litar..mcm2 ragam. Ada muka happy tak tentu pasal. ada yg msam mencuka, ad yg tersengih2 memanjang dalam litar. Happy agknye dpt nek moto. Baik2 belaka, sopan-santun bwk moto, baik laki ataupun pmpuan. Sambil menghirup segelas teh o ais limau yg lazat lg enak, fikiran ak melayang ke zaman ak semasa ak seperti mereka, semasa ak mula2 mengambil lesen motosikal.  Ak dan tiga lagi orang rakan karib bersama teman2 lain yg baru dikenali di sekolah memandu menunggang motosikal dgn cara masing2. Ad yg wheelie, ad yg tunggang tak ikut litar pun,main redah jea pembahagi jalan. Masa yg plg kami gemari ialah bahagian dua, brek kecemasan. Kalau mengikut peraturan, kelajuan utk brek kecemasan  hanya 40 KM jea. Tapi apa yg kami buat semasa di petak mula ialah menarik pendikit semahu-mahunya hingga bunyi enjin..boleh barai beb,pecah. Kami kerah tenaga enjin hingga 80 KM dan brek sekuat hati. Bau, xyah cakap, memang hangit. Ad samoai terkeluar dr litar. Kalau JPJ mmg da kandas. Alaaa,latihan je pun. Weh bayar mahal2, gune la sepuas hati. Cg yg ada kat situ pun tak berani nak tegur. Sebab org len yg kebosanan sejam duk atas litar tu tergelak tgk gelagat kteorg,HAHA. Adalaa jgk hiburan, lawak extreme bangang. Sedang asyik ak mencuci mata melihat seorg awek cun yg ak rse ak pena kenal, bdk asasi kuantan dlu xsilap..tiba2 bahu ak disapa seorg mamat yg ak kenali dlm kelas teori kereta sebulan yg lalu. Ak ckup meluat dgn mamat ni sbb dia suka pau rokok. Kalau muka gangster ak xheran. Tp wajah dia cukup impossible utk dipanggil seorg perokok..noob gler. Ditambah lg dgn gaya berlagak seperti semua bnda di dunia ni dia tahu. Setiap kali dia bercerita ak cuma menganggukkan kepala walaupun hati  ak responnya berlainan. Namun begitu, tanggapan ak sedikit meleset saat dia membincangkan topik mengenai kawan. Ak setuju dgn dia punya pandangan dan pendapat. Dia kerja "jual anggur". Graduan ijazah mekatronik UTM. Tp xde rezeki, xdpt kerja mana2. Umur dia da 26, ak agk terkejut pabila melihat susuk tubuh serta wajahnya bak kanak2 baru abes spm. Tak percaya, tp terbukti setelah ak terlihat no ic nya pd kad rekod latihan memandunya. Hampir kesemua member baik dia da berkahwin dan mempunyai keluarga sendiri dan skrg msg2 punya hal sendiri. Dia pula masih terkontang-kanting mencari pekerjaan. Even member dia yg dulu baik sehingga dikatakan kawan2 dunia akhirat tidak lagi mempedulikan hidup member2 yg lain termasuk dirinya. At the moment ak rse simpati dgn mamat ni, mesti lonely gler..awek xder,member sume da ntah kemana ngn hidup msg2.. Menarik di sini, dia cakap.."kawan sejati xwujud dalam dunia ni, kwn2 best time muda jer.." alahhh..kcau betollah member ak sorg ni,ajk p mnum warunglah plak..hmm ak sambung kemudian mase ekk bloggie.chow

Face The Music

Hye bloggie,2mggu lps da jumpa kau..kot,ak sdri pn xbpe ingat. Yup cam bese,needless memories and problems,Jap nak kira,erm..ad 4perkara ak nk simpan kat sini. Perkara pertama, emm ak tkut klau suatu hr nanti ad org bce so ak xnk mention name dye kat sini. Akhir tahun 2007,time smgt ak super duper down, ad sorg prempuan yg slalu bg ak semngat n dorongan nk pulih balik. kawan ak. Ak kawan ngn dia sampai skrg even ad lam sthun lebih ak xkontek. Dalam ramai2 pompuan yg ak penah kenal, dia yg paling rational dlm semua perkara. Advice, pendapat and so on. Ehm,cter dia skng dia da clash, n exbf dia tu kawan baik ak jgk. Ak bkk fb lama. Time tu bru ak kntek balik ngn member tgnu len yg da lama menghilang. Camtu la jgk ak kntek balik ngn dia. Maybe ak perasan kot, ntah. Time berbual ngn dia kat fon gaya dia cam mengharapkan sesuatu dr ak.Ak harap ak perasan je. Mmg dulu ak pena suka dia,tp tu cter 4tahun lepas. Dia lawa, ciri2 perempuan Terengganu Darul Iman yg mmg ori,haha. Ak saje grau bodo smlm psl bf n gf. Ak tanya xcri bf baru ke kat kampus. Dia jwb dia tggu ak. Nada gurau, ak tahu. So ngn nada gurau, ak jwb balik "xnak ah jd bf awk nt exbf awk bunuh sye..haha". Lam 5minit gak dia diam. Nada dia terus lain,cam sdeh. Ak jd heran bila dia jawab "yela kwn awk tu lg penting dr sye kan.." Then tetibe dia ckp nk wat asgment perbualan abes situ. So bloggie,ak tak nak pk sal bnda ni. Tlong pegang memori ni. Bila hal ni da clear ak dtg balik. Perkara kedua, lesen kete. Td bru ak tnjuk muka stelah 2mggu lebeh ak skip. Bosannnnnnn..lambat betul nk abes. Mak ak desak suh abeskan sblum raye. Nak tau nape sbb utama ak mls amek lesen kete? Sbb dia bila ak da dapat lesen kete mmg ak la yg akn jd driver lau g mane2. Ak lg suka jg penumpang. Miahahahahaa. Xdek ah. Ak suka bwk kete,best n lagi selamat dr bawak moto. Tapi omputih ckp, the bigger power you got,the heavier responsible you will get. Perkara ketiga. Abang ak. Da nak dekat 2tahun ak tak bertegur dgn dia. Okay, maybe ak ego. Tp dlu ak pena buang rase ego ak n tegur dia elok2,tp dia buat derkk je so ak da mls nk tegur balik pasni. Bg ak skrg, ak cam xde abg even hakikatnye ad. Masing2 wat hal sdri. Kdg2 ka terpk sampai bila ak & dia nak terus camni. Dulu kteorg gaduh besar dsbbkan benda kecik.yang amat bodo.skrg tak, tp start haritulah ak xbertegur langsung.da byk kali ak wat cre baik,dia wat tak tau jer lame2 ak naik bosan jgk. So ak decided,anggap dia xwujud. Emm..abah penah ckp, dia fhm situasi antara ak ng abg aku.abg ak memang prngai dia susah nak fhm.Dari dulu abah manjekan dia sgt. Apa yg dia nak abah bg. Dia sdri ckp time hantar ak terminal nak balik Melaka. Dia nak sgt tgk ak n abg ak baik n rapat cam dulu. Ak just diam, n cakap InsyaAllah kalau prgai Abglong berubah. Lau nk ikutkan fakta,awal2 lagi bukan salah ak. Tp ak xslhkan mak bela salah dia time tu. Ak phm. Lau mak ak bela ak mau lari dr rumah agaknye. Dulu da pena kes ak jgk. So ak xnak perkare same berulang. Kadang2 ak rse bodo asyik mengalah je. Tp ak slalu motivate dr sdri,jgn ikut emosi..Guna akal. Lau betul mak berat sbelah pun, ak ad abah,ad tokwan even tokwan da nyanyuk.. Ehm lau nak ikutkan, tokwan sdri pun pena ckp kat ak. Mak mmg suke bela abg ak. Time tu fkrn tak matang. Ak terus fikir cam sampai form 5. Time tu ak darjah5. Gaduh ngn abg ak sbb basikal baru,hahahaha.klaka pulak bla igt balik.hmm. Last, ak tarik diri dr event 30July ni, one day b4 puasa. Bek ak duk umah, konfem mak perlukan byk bantuan. Nak siap brg dapur lagi. Tambah lagi, tekanan dgn abg aku wat prngai, asek pentingkan awek. Pnjam kereta mak p dating,xisi minyak. pastu wat kete kemek,ckp fahmi yg buat. Kete abah ad xnk bwk. Mak sorok kunci kete pastu xnk ckp ngn mak. Ak da tak fhm n xkenal siapa dia skrg. Brg dia ak da xusik. Semua harta dia ak da xsentuh. Ntah ap yg dia xpuas hati ak pn tak tahu. Skrg bila mak nk luah perasaan ak la jd pengganti abg ak. Nak bebel sal abg ak..ak jgk yg kena. Redha n dengar jelah. Takkan ak nk bia camtu je. Ank jenis ap ak klau ak buat camtu. Ak xnk jd cam abg ak.Takpe, hati ak kuat. Ak bkn jenis yg mudah kecil hati,nak merajuk xtentu psal.Lau ad pun ak simpan sorg,xtunjuk. Kau kan ad..kan bloggie??hahaha.Gila. K chow

Writting The Future

Malas ah nk tulis BI.Kadang2 tuka BM pun best, rse cam diri sendiri.Cner nk start ek..emh, ak jenis planner type of person.but most of the time ak pun suka buat sesuatu secara rawak,maksud ak,ak xplan ap2 n hadapi sesuatu benda secara spontan.Tapi ak lebih kepada planning sebab ak boleh jangka atau expect sedikit sebanyak kalau plan ak xjd mcm yg ak nk, ap yg ak perlu buat.bese bila ak plan ak akn buat sekurang2nye 3plan.plan ak rosak teruk time ngn epy.*ni cter lame tp saje bosan,just as an example. ak suka budak ni n ak sdri tak paham nape ak suke sgt budak ni.lam kepala ak,ak tau ak dgn dia tak serasi even as friend.lam kepala ak bgtau ak perlu lupakn budak ni.tapi hati ak yg berdegil xnk terima kenyataan.dah banyak kali proposals ak direject dia sbnrnye hehe.so one day ak amek keputusan ak da tak nak dengar kata hati ak.nekad.ak ikut kepala aku.so skrg diri ak totally dperintah oleh minda ak,bukan hati ak yg degil neh..intipati dr ksh ni,pendekkanlah sng.ak plan ak nk jumpa dia for the last time n jelaskan sbb2 knpe ak nk buat smua tu,sbb ak phm dia jenis suka berkawan.ak xnk dia igt ak da xnk kwn ngn dia.kad wish brthday ak igt nk bg yg cantek pnye tp xjd sbb faktor xcukup mase.i want to make it special but unmemorized.i admit, mmg sgt susah nk buat smua tu bila hati ckp xnk.ini bukan cinta,tp obses.ak lalai.ak blocked fb dia n smua fb member dia.mmg ak rse tak rational.nmpk cm nak lari.tp sbnrnyer ak ad sbb knp ak nak buat mcmtu.final exam da dekat.ak xleh jd gila byg,so care plg cepat ialah jgn ambil tahu lagi kisah psal epy.n care tu diakui berkesan.ak da tak rase ap2 skrg,tp ak slalu berdoa agar dia happy,sbb ak still anggap dia kawan,epy,nabilah,nisa,biela,yuni.ak deact acc ak yg ni n bkk acc lama.ak hrp ak ta jumpa diorg lagi,awkward kot,da la ak block diorg.eh dah abes cter,pjg sgt neh.Hmm dulu plan ak,pas grad ak nk cari kerja ngn gaji yg selesa utk hdup sdrhana sbb ak suka hidup yg simple n sederhana.bg ak aman..kawen ngn org trengganu jgk.wife ak xlawa sgt, tp xde la xlawa sgt.hehe.sng ckp sejuk mata memandang,cam tu ar.anak ak sorg laki,sorg pmpuan.yg laki muka iras2 ak..hensem,HAHA.yg pompuan iras wife ak.ank dua org suda..anak ramai2 kos sara hdup tggi kot,kate nk hdup sdrhana.then bila ank ak da besar,smue da ad kerjaya n hdup sdri,ak bersara.ak lepak uma la plak ngn bini ak,berkebun ke..pagi2 bgun tdo bg mkn kucing,ayam,itik..hdup style org tua la,tua buat care tua.time azan ak ngn bini ak akn slalu p surau..pas bebrpe thun, ak mati dulu sblum bini ak.hdup tenang,mati pun aman..tp skrg plan ak da berubah.lepas ak tgk sekeliling ak..ak da tuka plan.ak nk blaja elok2,InsyaAllah..dpt kerja bagus,gaji ok,ak nk jaga mak n abah ak..kebajikan mak n abah ak diutamakan terlebeh dahulu.awek ke,grfren ke, wife kemudian.sbb dlu ak slalu derhaka diorg,nak2 mak ak.xdgr ckp,melawan,tinggi suare..bila kebajikan mak n abah ak stabil n terjage then baru ak pk sal jodoh.